a cross tick

Write something about football...something I know
little about, so let's have some fun with the structure.
A cross tick - geddit?

 Ferzackerley was there in his usual place at the Oscar Wilde. The Author joined him after getting himself a pint of his usual at the bar – getting a reproachful look from Olga in the process, given all the fuss he'd made about going dry for the whole month.

'Off the wagon then I see,' scoffed Ferzackerley.

'Only for the night,' said the Author. 'I have actually kept up my abstemiousness – is that a word? abstemiosity? – since I saw you last Saturday.' He tucked into his pint with enthusiasm.

'Teetotalitarianism, I call it.' He raised a glass. 'Cheers! So how's the writing going anyway?'

'Brilliantly actually,' said the Author, raising his own glass back. 'Doing this challenge has been easier than I thought. Did you look at the link I sent you – the blog with my daily entries?'

'”Anxiety dream” – that was the first one, wasn't it? I liked that – and that you wrote it about us and about the competition itself at the same time. Very meta. To be honest I haven't read most of them yet.'

Loud chanting suddenly filled the room as Olga switched on the big screen at the end of the bar and scenes from the Germany v China match in Rennes appeared. Heads in the bar turned and immediately focused on the match.

'Lots of football on lately,' said the Author. 'Ironic – because that's today's theme in the Literal Challenge and for the first time I feel really stuck on what to write.'

'Football's not really your thing, is it?'

'Our esteemed theme-setters don't see that as a problem. You can just write something without using the letters in football; or produce it in the shape of a football; or whatever.' He looked over at the screen for the first time. 'What is this they're showing now anyway? I thought that Champions League thingy was all over – with all the English teams, right, but held in Barcelona or something. Didn't Arsenal lose?'

Olga was just walking past, picking up the empties as she went. 'Hey – not too loud in here. Lots of Arsenal fans.'

'The screen says “World Cup”. I thought that was last year. I wouldn't have come if I'd known they were going to be showing yet more of it. And I've got to be loud with all that noise – can't you turn it down a bit?'

'Blimey, you are out of touch, mate. This is the Women's World Cup. Didn't you see the opening match last night? France slaughtered Korea four-nil.'

'As Ferzackerley was saying just now, football isn't my thing. And I'd no idea women's football was such a big thing. There's actually a lot of people watching it. Look at that stadium.'

'Lots and lots. It's very popular now – and we've had plenty of demand from the regulars to show all the matches. You do realise of course that back in the 1920s, women's football was as big as the men's – then the bloody FA banned women from soccer stadiums.'

'Looks like I'll be absenting myself from the Oscar for another week then – or however long this is going on for.'

Ferzackerley and Olga grinned at each other. 'Sorry, mate, but it goes on until July 7^th.'

'O my god. Ah well, it means I can focus on the short story challenge.'

'Oh yes?' asked Olga. 'What's that?'

The Author pulled himself up proudly. 'I'm writing a short story every day during June. It's an online challenge where they set a different theme each day. Today is day eight – but to be honest I'm rather stuck. The theme is football – about which, as I believe I've just demonstrated, I know nothing.'

'Bring them in then, the ones you've done, and I'll have a read of them. I like a good story. If you're stuck, why don't you write something about the history of women's football? I can send you some links …'

'And finish it by tonight? I don't think so!'

'Listen!' Ferzackerley suddenly butted in. 'Here's a great idea. If you don't want to write about football itself – which you clearly don't – and they said you could play tricks with missing letters and stuff, right?' The Author nodded. 'So why don't you just write an acrostic – you know, where each paragraph begins with the letters in football – F, O, O, etc?'

'Lovely idea, but it sounds like hard work.' The Author finished up his drink and handed the empty glass to Olga. 'But now you mention it, it should tick all the boxes … I think you deserve another pint, Ferzackerley!”

For another meta instalment go here